My Kind of Happy

There are these tiny little moments, just minuscule seconds of time, where I can't even breathe because I am overcome with how much I love my life. This life that I am living, it's a lottery that I won and I don't even remember ever buying a ticket, that's how lucky I know I am. There's a sense of almost feeling guilty to have it, like I have to hold my breathe or else I might loose it. I have a constant fear that someone will shout "FRAUD! You don't deserve this!" and suddenly I will be as miserable as the next guy. Because surely, one person, one small person who doesn't have much to offer, surely they don't deserve to be THIS happy. Because I am THIS happy... I have the kind of happy that's rooted deep down in my soul. It's the kind of happy where I fall asleep with a smile on my face after just another ordinary day of living this happy life. This is the happy that sprouts from peace and joy, the kind of happy that can only grow in love and trust, the happy that surrounds you and shines on you, no matter what storm or battle you face. My dad calls me "Spoiled". My mom says "You're so lucky." And I answer them both with "I know". I have more then I ever imagined I would have, and I don't mean more things, because those things aren't the thing that really matters. I have more HAPPINESS then I ever imagined I would have. I hold on to it tightly, desperately, with both hands, I guard it fiercely, protecting it with everything that I am, I plant my feet firmly in it, knowing that there is no other path for me then this, walking surefooted and confident because although I don't feel worthy of this happiness, I know it is mine and no one else's.


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