9 months in, 9 months out | Kamuela James
Kamuela has officially lived half of his life outside of my womb now. I spent the first 9 months of his life holding him in a way that nobody else will ever be able to, knowing him in a way that only his mother is privileged to do. I knew him first, I knew him best. And now, I have spent the last 9 months learning how to share him. I have given him into other people's arms, trusting them with the single most precious thing in the world, something that is honestly not very easy to do. Being a mother has been the greatest thing that I have ever done, it's been nothing but joy (wrapped in worry and exhaustion of course); I absolutely have loved every second of it. The one truly hard thing for me to come to terms with, is that I have to share him. He may have been mine first, but he is not only mine. He is also my husband's and that is by far the easiest and loveliest relationship that I am happy to give my son to. But he is also a grandson, a nephew, a cousin, a friend and as much as I love (LOVE) every single one of my family members and all of our wonderful friends, that doesn't stop my heart from skipping a beat when they pick him up. They are all trustworthy people, obviously, but a mother is a mother and only she can mother her child best. I am the one who knows what every cry means, what ever grunt indicates. I know the difference between when he is hungry, sleepy, or just whining. I know the songs that are his current favorite, the game that will always make him laugh, the tricks to get that sweet smile on his face. Holding my tongue and letting other people develop their own unique relationship with him has been a struggle, but so worth it. Even though it might break my heart a little bit when he gives his kisses to someone else, I am so proud of how loving and open he is. And there may be a very small part of me that resents when other people find a new way to make him laugh, I'm so happy that he is easy and carefree. He may only be 9 months old, but I am already learning the complicated balance of holding on and letting go. And as difficult as it is for me to share, we are so lucky to have such an incredible "village" surrounding us, showering Kamuela with so much love and care, helping him to discover this amazing world around him.
And right now, our boy is growing and changing by the nanosecond! He still is doing his crawl/step thing, and can jet around real fast! Like lightening. He's standing up on his own for longer and longer and has taken more and more steps. He took about 5-7 steps on his own at the Arnall's house on April 13. Josh, Malia, and I all got to witness it and it's so beautifully heartbreaking to see him transitioning into a little toddler. Then, on April 15, he casually walked from the middle of the living room to the couch. Slow, steady, and sure, he just... walked. And I about had a heart attack. HE WALKS! He still has just the 4 teeth and buckets and buckets of drool. His hair is filling in, stick straight and scraggly. I've trimmed over his ears once, and the front once, so now he has a nice mullet that drives me crazy but I can't quite bring myself to give him a full big-boy haircut. He eats anything that we set in front of him and especially loves meat (like the pork from when we had pho or the shredded chicken I made the other day), blueberries, oatmeal, and the teething crackers. He's great at entertaining himself with his toys; is especially fond of his Duplo blocks, pulling them apart and banging them together for noise. He loves books, which warms by bookworm heart to no end. Peek-a-boo is still his favorite and can really get him laughing, it is SO CUTE. He even started playing it himself, holding a blanket up with both hands and then dropping it quick, looking expectantly at me, waiting for the "Boo!" It's pretty adorable. I've started wrestling with him more and more and it's my absolute favorite. He'll come crawling towards me all fast and then we crash into each other and roll around, tickling, kissing, laughing, squealing... it's the best. He get SO excited when Josh comes home from work, I think he is even starting to recognize the truck. If it's nice out, we'll wait for him outside and it's so precious to see Kamuela light up at the sight of his dad. Makes me melt every.single.time. He's started "dancing" when he hears music and it is so cute! He bounces and starts to wave his hands around, always looking at wherever the music is coming from. I would have to credit this to the many family dance parties we have had ever since he was born. :) We still don't have any sort of sleep routine, which is OUR fault and not Kamuela's. He isn't sleeping through the night, at all, but we have no one to blame but ourselves for that. Sure, it can be annoying getting up 3 times a night, but I'm a "stay-at-home-mom" mostly so it's not so rough on me since we still sleep in until anywhere from 7:45-8:30. And I sometimes get to nap too. Not such a bad life I lead! ;-) Kamu still nurses and I think he might be starting to try and say "milk". Or maybe it's "mama". Some kind of "mmmmm" sound that has to do with me! I'll take it! And he also makes a "dadadada" noise and "hi" although I wouldn't officially say he knows what his "hi" noise means yet. :) He definitely knows what "NO" means and stops what he is doing whenever he hears it, which is kind of a lot since he decided he now wants to get into all the cupboards and all the drawers and... everything. The other day he was behind the rocking chair and I couldn't see him so I said, "Kamu" and he didn't come. "Kamuela!" I heard him move a little but but still no visual on him. In my sternest mom voice I said, "Kamuela James!" and out he crawled! To which I burst out laughing and realized that I am officially, completely, utterly, and irrevocably a MOM. And I love it.