Letter to my grandmother.

Dear Grammy,

I miss you every day. I still can't believe you're gone. Gone. No longer HERE. Sometimes I forget that and when I see a preview of a sappy movie that I think you would like, I go to call you, to see when we can go see it together. And then it hits me, all over again. You're gone. Sometimes I'll just be going about my day and think to myself, "Man, I haven't talked to Grammy in a while, I should call her". And then I realize that I CAN'T. And it kills me. I miss you so much Grammy, every moment I miss you. We're all doing pretty okay, we're all doing our best to do our best without you. It's hard sometimes. Like at Christmas. My whole life, every Christmas, I spent at your house. Slept on the living room floor in a sleeping bag with my brother, sister, and cousins. As we grew up, not so many cousins stayed over but we always did. No matter what. Eventually I got old enough to ask to sleep in one of the guest beds... I usually got stuck with the trundle bed because Mari was the oldest and she got the regular bed. That's okay, as long as Brad was man gentleman enough to take the floor. :) I was usually the first grandkid up, I never could sleep in on Christmas morning. But you were always up first, both you and Papa. Papa would be in the kitchen, starting on the hot rolls, and you would be in your chair, wearing your pajamas and robe. As soon as I walked in the room you would give me that look and say, "Finally! I've been waiting all morning!" Grammy I miss your humor, you picking on me. I miss it so much. I didn't go to your house for Christmas last year. I couldn't bear it. It was hard for me to not be there but I don't think I would have been able to handle seeing your empty chair on Christmas morning. I hope Papa understands. I'll always treasure the last Christmas I spent with you Grammy. And I'll forever be thankful that Josh got to spend it with us, that he got to experience the Christmas' of my childhood. It means so much to me that you got to spend time with him, to know him just a little bit, because I love him. Oh how I love him Grammy. And that memory of mine and Josh's first Christmas together, spent with you on your last Christmas... it's precious to me. Thank you for including Josh in that time together, I appreciate it more than you know. And thank you for everything Grammy. For all the time we spent together, for all the lessons you taught me, the example you set to us with your marriage to Papa, for every Christmas, birthday, Cow Camp, for everything. I miss you every day Grammy, and am so thankful for the multitude of memories I have to hold on to.

The pearl necklace that you gave me. I don't wear jewelry but I treasure this necklace and if I ever have a daughter, I hope to see her wear it as she plays dress up and I tell her about you.

Your shawl that your cousin Chris knit you, she gave it to me. I wrap it around myself whenever I'm missing you and need a hug.


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